Monday, December 12, 2011

Please, help!!!!!! Which text is better?

Which version of text sounds more natural (it is taken from a bilingual contract)?


1) If the Security Deposit is used in accordance with the cases specified in Section 4.5. of this Agreement, the Lessee shall within a period of 5 (five) working days time supplement the amount of the Security deposit up to the previous amount by transferring money to the Lessor`s bank account, indicated in Section 4.2 of this Agreement.


2) If the Security Deposit is used in accordance with Section 4.5. of this Agreement, the Lessee shall renew Security Deposit to its initial amount by transferring the money to the Lessor`s bank account, specified in Section 4.2 of this Agreement in 5 (five) working days time.


Thank you!|||The first is redundant.





I actually think #2 is worded pretty well and is strait forward and to the point, covering everything it needs to cover, dependent of course on what is in the other sections it refers to.

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